Tofu Makes You Gay and Charlotte’s Web is Animal Rights Extremism

by Will Potter on December 14, 2006

in Terrorism Scare Mongering

I’m truly speechless on this one, so I’ll let the article in World Net Daily speak for itself:

There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.

The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

Forget about the “eco-terrorists” protesting outside your business. Those crazy vegetarians will turn your children into raving HOMOS! It’s not clear yet which is a greater national security threat in the minds of the New McCarthyists. But don’t even think about challenging the rock-solid research behind this: you can just take your “truthiness” and fact-based agendas elsewhere. How else can you explain the growing consumer demand for Tofu Dogs?

But hold on, you sassy soy-eater. It gets better.

It was bad enough when the New McCarthyists labeled Hoot, a children’s movie, “soft-core eco terrorism for kids.”

Now they’re going after that radical E.B. White. Remember Charlotte’s Web? The children’s book? It has been made into a movie and has already been dubbed as promoting “eco-terrorism.”

Forget about the First Amendment. The Center for Consumer Freedom, an industry front group, is out there protecting more “delicious civil liberties” (and delicious corporate profits). Their press release on the movie says:

But the images prodding your kids toward the multiplex might be more about animal rights than E.B. White. One Charlotte’s Web commercial airing on Nickelodeon (oddly enough, during an episode of Mr. Meaty) shows heroic bike-riding teens in pig-snout masks “liberating” (read: stealing) a barn full of pigs. Is this illegal? Definitely. Is it appropriate advertising for a G-rated movie? No way.

I should note that the commercial CCF is dubbing a promo for the Animal Liberation Front features “We’re Not Going to Take It” by Twisted Sister. I completely agree that Dee Snider is indeed terrifying and should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

The scare-mongering goes on to note:

The TV commercial ends with a plea for kids to visit, a Nickelodeon / Paramount website that encourages kids to “Say no to bacon” and print out stickers reading “Tofu Rulez.”

Apparently those extremists at Paramount aren’t just promoting “eco-terrorism.” They’re trying to turn our kids into rampant homosexuals! I urge introduction of the Hollywood and Homosexual Terrorism Act as quickly as possible.

Previous post:

Next post: