Are Your Grandparents “Eco-terrorists”?
Oct 2nd, 2008 by Will Potter
Do you know where your grandparents are? Sure, you might think Nana is at home watching Touched by an Angel, and gramps is puttering around the garage, but they might be out waging guerilla warfare in the name of the environment.
Check out this video of a 72-year-old man keying a Hummer in the student parking lot of Carroll High School in Southlake, TX. [I should note that yours truly graduated from this very same high school. Although when I was there, there were more dualies than blinged-out Hummers.] The video was caught by the Hummer’s motion-activated surveillance cameras. I’m not sure why a high school kid in suburban Texas has surveillance cameras on a Hummer. I’d wager that, outside of this incident, they had only filmed kids getting stoned in the parking lot before school, or captured looks of disgust and contempt as this brontosaurus lumbers through town. But I digress.
The culprit is James Andrew Jeppe, 72, who turned himself in after this video made the rounds on the internetz. He admitted carrying out a string of terrorist keyings.
This is serious, folks. The FBI has warned that “eco-terrorists” are the “number one domestic terrorism threat.” But this threat is clearly much greater than we had ever imagined. This video paints a new picture of the enemy, and it ain’t dreadlocks and camo shorts. It’s white hair, khakis, and orthopedic shoes. This might be the tip of the iceberg, revealing a little-known retirement cell of the Earth Liberation Front.
Some news stations have called this mere “vandalism.” And it looks like he might not even receive prison time! Come on, folks, we need to hit these people with outlandish prison sentences! Gramps might not last 23 years in prison like Jeff Luers, or even a half dozen like most of the Operation Backfire defendants. But that doesn’t matter. These Hummers don’t run!
As this Hummer dealership spokesman said, don’t let your guard down: “This guy, he’s an eco-terrorist.”
Law enforcement needs to crack down on these environmentalists and animal rights activists before things get out of hand. For instance, if the FBI doesn’t crack down on those Peta members wearing animal costumes at protests, they may go off the deep end like this woman who wore a cow costume, chased children and urinated in public. Something must be done!
On a related and more less serious note, it needs to be said that if this SUV had been spray painted “Earth Liberation Front,” or if someone keyed it and then sent out a communiqué about Hummers destroying the environment, I don’t think anyone would be calling it mere “vandalism.” And that, I think, exposes so much hypocrisy of this “War on Terrorism.” The word “terrorism” is only applied to cases when there’s a political motivation to do so.
Hauling this man into court as an “eco-terrorist” just wouldn’t be politically savvy. Hauling this crazy-ass woman into court as a terrorist, though, would be politically hilarious.
I actually wish my grandparents were eco-terrorists.
(Well, when they were alive anyway.)
I am 100% for all “”eco terrorists,
the terrorist label should be removed
THERE IS NO ONE ELSE LOOKING OUT FOR OUT GRANDCHILDREN.
when did keying cars become such a threat….and an eco terrorist act? Better watch out!
As for this woman running around chasing little kids and urinating in public well…..why not?
“These Hummers don’t run.”
Hahaha.
YES.
I’m very proud to say my Grandparents were Eco-terrorists - founding father - and mother - of The League Against Cruel Sports. If they were alive now they’d be fully paid up, and active, members of ALF and Peta.
[...] Green Is The New Red: “The culprit is James Andrew Jeppe, 72, who turned himself in after this video made the [...]
“The word ‘terrorism’ is only applied to cases when there’s a political motivation to do so.”
Well yes, because that’s the definition of “terrorism”:The use of intimidation and violence for political or ideological gain. What ELF does is cause severe damage to people’s property, and in the process threatening their well being and way of life, in order to force their (ELF’s) victims to cave in to their demands.
#7:
You’re misreading what I said. I’m not referring to the motivations of the criminal, I’m referring to the motivations of the government. The point here is that many crimes are committed for political or ideological gain, and the few that are prosecuted as such are done so for political reasons.
Did “Joe” just try to go Anonymous on you?
If it’s not Joe, you should try and hook him up with #7. They probably have a lot to talk about.
Joe, you are busted! Good call Liz!
I didn’t know you people missed me this much! I have been in D.C. for a meeting and have not checked in here at all. Number 7 is not me, I do however agree with him or her. They might be using Anonymous because they have been the victims of animal rights terrorist.
Ha ha ha. Joe, that cracked me up.
Grandpa James is one badass!
hey anonymous,
there is over a 100 definitions of the word terrorism. according to your definition the war against iraq was a terrorist act. it used violence for political gain.
“The use of intimidation and violence for political or ideological gain. What ELF does is cause severe damage to people’s property, and in the process threatening their well being and way of life, in order to force their victims (ELF’s) to cave in to their demands.”
It is interesting to note that if you substitute ‘police’ or ‘governement and its agents’ for ELF you actually have a description of standard operating procedure in the United States.